Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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