you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
