So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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