I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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