We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
