idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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