I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
