He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
