He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
