I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
