Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
