Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
