Non-Jews are for practice
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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