your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
