The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
