i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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