So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
