nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
