i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
