bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
