aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
