I think my fart just growled at me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
