If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
