i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
