You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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