You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
