Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
