I feel like I'm in dance class right now
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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