fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
