Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
