Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
