like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
try to milk me bitch
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
