I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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