Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
