Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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