Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
