oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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