Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
