My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
