I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
