I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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