My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
