I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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