Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
