The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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