Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
