I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm bleeding and have questions
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