He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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