dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
