i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
