Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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