Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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