hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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