the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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