I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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