It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
