She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
