Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
