Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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