hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
