bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
