Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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