Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
