WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
