My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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