with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
