my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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