Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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