how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
