Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
