the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
