smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
