i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
high people should be assigned attendants
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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