Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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