and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
