There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
