She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
