seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize