In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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