If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
