Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
