I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
