Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
