yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
