He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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