just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My feet surprised me
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