apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no, he came in my armpit
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
