i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
