i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
