Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
