I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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