I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
