Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
