You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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