Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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