I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
