Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
