He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's blow job season.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
