I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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