i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
