I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
