I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize