He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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