There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
