I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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