Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
