and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
