Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
