When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
