The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
