Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
