Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
