Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
