i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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