and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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