i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
