she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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Do I have a choice?
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
