I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
