onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can u get pink eye on your cock?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
