she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
