Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize