So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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