hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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